How do I feel now? I think I was soooo stupid when I started studying :D I knew nothing. I had to learn how to practice regularly because my practicing wasn't enough. I had to learn how to live on my own and I think that the hardest part was making friends. I was afraid that I'm too young and stupid for that environment so I stayed at home way too much. At some point I realized that I should just hang out more at school. I noticed that people meet each others in Music Centers Valohalli during their coffee break or something like that. For my surprise that worked. I noticed that people in that house are very kind and nice people! If you needed company you got it. Support? You got it. Tips for practicing? Got it. Only seldom there was no one. I've never been in that kind of enviroment. I came from a small town where so called team spirit was just a strange concept :D
I've done lot of great things in this year. I started to take singing lessons and I did my first degree about it. I was in choir, and I worked with a singer first time in my life. Me and him took part in Erkki Melartins chamber music competition. We didn't get the place in final but that was so rewarding chance that it doesn't matter. I learned a lot as being a someones pianist (and not being just an accompanist) and how to communicate and listen during music. The pieces I got were supposed to learn in a very short time and I exceed myself when I practiced 6 pages of Mozart in 1,5 weeks. I cried when I got all the 7 pieces done just 2 days before deadline. And I was so sure it wouldn't be possible.
So... that kind of projects gave me the self confidence I needed. I realized that I AM a good pianist (and also pretty good singer and surprisingly fast at learning musics theory :D). But I also need to work hard for being it. I also start to realize that I'm young and I still got time to develop. The thing why so many people felt (and still feel) so pro to me, is because they are mainly older than me so then they got more experience. Also everyones background is valuable, no matter how different it is. And if someone is already a musician it doesn't mean that I could never graduate as adept. These things might sound self-evident but it wasn't for me. I think something moved inside of me when I was a tutor in Savonias entrance examination. I saw the same uncertainty in applicants that I had. The thoughts when you question are you good enough. It was strange to calm people and give a peer support by telling things I've felt and done. It was nice to see the relief in their faces and someones even laughed for mine stupid thoughts. It's said that you learn something only when you teach it to the others and it was that kind of moment. It felt funny.
What would I like to do in next year... well I want to be in every project which sounds interesting :D I want to be someone singers personal pianist and accompanist, and continue singing as well. I want to go forward in piano and do the D-degree about it in next autumn. I want to get experience about teaching and be as good teacher as I can be. Also I want to find more my musical identity and personality. This first year was great to wake it up.
So yes... I'm hopeful and open minded for coming. If the first year was this amazing I can't imagine how amazing the next year will be. Now I'm in the need of summer :)
The picture's from here.